From Tract Marks to trance states
The Beginning
You’re probably wondering why I chose this as the title for the first blog. I feel that in order for you to really understand why I believe so strongly in these practices you have to see where I was without them. This is not the beginning of my path because like I said magick and witchcraft have always been a part of my life even when I wasn’t aware of what to call it. I didn’t have the most “normal” life as a child, that is to say what is normal though. It was just me and my mom but because of that one of the first things I learned was Female Empowerment and that no one is going to take care of you, you are responsible for making your self happy! As I got older a lot of not so great things had happened to me, I was sexually assaulted on more then one occasion over the years and bullied very badly. From the age of 10 I started to “skip” meals which turned into a full blown eating disorder which landed me in the hospital, I started partying very young and using different substances to numb my pain. The older I got the worse every thing got, the only glimpse of beauty I had at the time was giving birth to my amazing son when I was 17 years old. I thought everything would change and turn around after but the saying goes you have to hit bottom before you can crawl up. I made a lot of mistakes, I had an uncontrollable substance abuse problem that no rehab seemed to fix and I made mistake after mistake, my eating disorder got increasingly worse and I knew that if things didn’t change I would die very very young. When I decided I wasn’t going to live like this anymore for me and my son I ended finding out I was pregnant with my daughter a few months later. I decided right then that I needed to get back to my roots, my calling, who I always was but afraid to accept it or show it because of fear of judgment. I was always a Witch. Growing up my mother taught me alot about gardening and the earth, she even had numerous books on herbalism and Native beliefs and spirituality, she said she likes them because it’s a connection to our family since she is part Cherokee, part Crow, and part Irish, but never in a million years would my mother ever classify herself as anything other then a Christian, even though she was the first Wise Woman I ever met. The day I told my mother that I believed in so much more then what our patriarchal religions teach us and that I was following the path of the Ancestors, she was less then thrilled, she was actually very angry and kicked me out of her room and told me she couldn’t look at me. I have to say it was very confusing to me because my mother was an Independent Woman who relied on herself. She listened to the earth in ways, and she interpreted signs, she listened to her dreams and her intuition. My mother was a Witch, even if she refuses to admit it. It’s been 8 years since I decided to listen to the Spirits that where calling me, to follow the path of those who came before me and it has been a wild ride. The most exciting part is that I’m no where near done learning, I will always be learning and listening to the Spirits and Ancestors. I have always felt a deep connection in my bones to my ancestors and the path I’m being lead down, and knowing that my Great Grandparents on my fathers side came over here from Naples, Italy I’m starting to see that the practices, even though hidden, are there and very much alive in my blood. I have manifested THE SHIT out of my life, and it all started in my blood and from the very beginning, but from addiction, eating disorders, abusive relationships, PTSD from things I have been forced to see, anxiety, and whatever else life is throwing at me I know I can take it! I can handle all of it, dust myself off and keep moving because I have found my Rage in Power. We all can overcome ANYTHING, we just have to learn to use the tools we are given. From daily chants and prayers to weekly breath embodiment work and ritual trance dance, everything is possible.
